Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Eating "normally"

I've been busy, so didn't have much time to update. But so far I've been keeping up with my daily and weekly challenges. The "listening to my body" part is very hard though, because I will eat more at one snack because I'm hungry, but then end up trying to skimp on the other ones, because I "ate so much". Also my body weirds out because it's a change in routine, and my body sure doesn't like changes. Also I'm almost scarred of trusting my body to know when I should stop eating. The first time I tried to recover from my ED I ended up doing a lot of binging and gained weight very fast. So that scarred me. Now I want to have "normal" eating habits, but there's always that nagging thought -"Once you're normal, will you keep gaining." I've had my habits in place for so long that breaking makes me feel so scarred. I just need to learn to trust my body and realize if I treat it right it won't weird out on me. It's difficult though.
On a positive note I've made myself some goals (not ED related) that I intend to stick to. I need things to occupy me and keep me busy, otherwise I go crazy. I need to have something to pour all that energy into, so I don't feel like it's wasted. Right now I'm feeling exited and can't wait to get started, and that's always a good thing.

Alright well without further ado, here are my recovery challenges from yesterday and today (a.k.a things I did for my recovery):

- I made a more filling breakfast.
- I bought the higher calorie yogurt when faced with a choice
- I let someone else cook my meal for me
- I ate my 2nd snack even though I didn't have to.

- I ate a bigger snack because I was hungry
- I fought my anxiety and the resultant desire to purge by going for a walk and enjoying the sunshine and my second snack :)
- I had a few "unplanned" bites of yogurt (I never randomly snitch food if I feel like it)

Right now I'm actually having a mild anxiety attack because I'm going to have a potentially very tense, emotionally heated discussion, I hope this feeling passes. I'm just going to try to relax and not think about it.

My quote for the day: To conquer fear, you have to feel the fear and take action anyway.

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