Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Admitting I need help.

This is potentially the most difficult thing for me to do - admit that I need help. I try so often to pretend I'm strong, to pretend that everything is under control and I'm doing fine, when the opposite is true. I need to learn that it's okay for me not to be okay all that time. It's difficult for me to be dependent on others, to admit that I don't have everything together. But it's something I need to learn, otherwise I won't be able to fully recover. I'll spend the time pretending, and essentially, lying to myself and everyone around me. But even though I realize this it's hard for me to reach out and ask for help. A part of me craves more help and support, but then the other part is terrified. A voice in my head tells me that no one will understand me and that they'll push me beyond my limits, they will hurt me and make my life worse then it already is. This is a lie, because I know the people around me love me, but sometimes I DO feel like they don't understand me. What I need is someone I can trust, I need someone that I know can and wants to help me. But it's hard for me to open up, it's almost impossible for me to trust. Still, I know I need to take the first step, I need to ask for help. I need to take that step into the dark and trust that someone will extend a hand and pull me though.

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