Sunday, January 23, 2011

A new 10 day challenge.

Thanks to everyone for their advice on my driving. I don't want to quit, but I tend to second guess myself a lot. Whenever I don't do something well my perfectionist tendencies kick in and tell me to quit while I'm ahead or else I'll end up failing. And apparently for me failing is scarier then the plague. Although this mentality is universally flawed (it took Edison 1000 failures before he invented the light-bulb) it's something I still struggle with. But I am NOT a quitter, so I will stick it out. And whatever happens, happens.

But let's get on to the real topic of this post, and that is my new challenge. If you read this post you'll know that I've felt pretty motivated recently. But motivation without any challenges goes to waste, right? So I decided it's time for me to push myself to take the next step in recovery.

Honestly, I don't feel like writing this. I don't feel like challenging myself. This is not just complacency, but more a sense of feeling that I'm not strong enough to face a challenge at this time in my life. I'm struggling with quite a few un- ED related issues at the moment, not to mention that I'm in an environment that I am finding triggering. But life isn't perfect and there will always be situations that are trying or difficult. So I'm going to bite the bullet and "just do it". And for added accountability I'm posting it here so that I feel compelled to push myself,
even on the days I feel I don't have it in me.

A realization I came to a while back is that I have an easier time caring for others then I do myself. Somehow I feel undeserving of the same things they do, or I just don't think about myself in that way. I have no qualms with spending a few hours cooking an elaborate meal for someone, but taking 30 minutes out of my schedule to make something I really enjoy seems a waste of time. I will do favors for people that require significant time commitments, but when it comes to allowing myself to do something "un-productive" but relaxing - I feel guilty.

This also includes giving people advice. It seems like a lot of advice I give other people I should apply to my own situation, but I just don't think about it. So my challenge for 10 days is to try to think of myself in "3rd person". I will try to see myself as "someone else" and give myself what I would give them. This might sound a little weird, but I think it just might work. Even just the fact that I feel somewhat uneasy about embarking on this challenge means that it's pushing me out of my comfort zone and will be beneficial for me in some way.

I will be updating on here from time to time about the results of this challenge. I'm hoping that I will be able to see some progress - not just in my eating habits, but in the way I view myself.

On other note....

I'm still battling with this flu that just want go away. I thought I had it beat two days ago, but after a bad night of sleep it came back. I'm feeling better today, but still having a really hard time sleeping - both at night and during the day. Hopefully this is a result of my sickness and not a long term thing, because that would really drive me crazy.

Anyhow for the first time in a few days I was able to go for a walk and I decided to take my camera and take some snowy pictures of my lovely town.

As you can see clearly on this picture this is a very populated city.

Actually today it everywhere was absolutely deserted. It was very odd. This is a small town, so there are never THAT many people out, but definitely more then there were today. Most of the snow was still fresh on the ground on the sidewalks. I guess it made for prettier picture though.

The town square:

And I found it funny that the snow made this obviously famous person (although I haven't a clue who they are) Jewish :P

See you all in the new week. Hope it's a good one!


  1. okay, if you're not used to driving in the snow- DON'T DO IT. It's a skill you've got to learn while in Driver's Ed or within the first few years of driving. It's really really difficult for the people that aren't sure exactly what to do to grasp onto it.

    Here in snowed like 4 inches- the city legit shut down for the entire business week. I don't even want to know how many accidents there were.

    AND go for your challenge- I think WHEN you make it, it'll give you a great sense of accomplishment and make other things easier :)


  2. I love the sound of your challenge! Mind if I jump on board with that one, too? I certainly need to start taking my own advice a lot of the time.

    I hope the flu goes away soon. The flu is so nasty! When I had it, I couldn't physically move and it was so exhausting. Feel better soooon!!

    You town looks so beautiful! It's so different to what I see here in NZ. I definitely want to come and visit one day :)


  3. You're challenge sounds great. I tend to be the same way; giving advice and doing things for everyone else, but neglecting myself. Selfless behavior is good, but not if we don't take time for ourselves too!
    Oh, and I didn't get to comment on your last post, but I totally get where you're coming from about driving. To be honest, it terrifies me too. I'm 21 and still don't have my license.
    Its something I've been working on though. We can get through this.
    You're town is beautiful, btw!

  4. I do the same thing when it comes to advice. I'm so good at dishing it out, yet I find it so difficult to listen to what I know is right for myself.
    I also know what it's like to care more about others than you do yourself. You need to let yourself be loved BY yourself, though. Otherwise it will be hard for others to see the beautiful, confident, intelligent, and caring YOU.
    Try not to be so hard on yourself. You're only human. You're a great girl, and you've gotta keep that in mind. :)
    P.s. I love the Jew guy photo ;)
    Good luck with your challenge!
    <3 Haley
    Oh, and I hope you get better soon! The flu sucks :/ Make sure you're still eating, though. That's the only way to get better! Fuel your body!

  5. Aww, that challenge sounds absolutely fantastic! I think it is very common to put others first and forget about ourselves. Whenever I make a comment about that sort of thing to my mom, she aways comes back with, "Bryana, why are your needs or wants any less important than someone elses?" I am so glad that you are trying to do this for yourself! It's good to remember to treat yourself like your best friend. You wouldn't abuse her in any way, so why make it ok to do it to yourself? You deserve and are very much worth the "best friend treatment".

    I'm sorry that you are still under the weather, but I'm glad you are better. Stay hydrated-this is a good time for LOTS of hot tea :-)

    I just had to add, your town is absolutely charming! I always think such towns have such a welcoming, homey feel to them.