Thanks to everyone for their advice on my driving. I don't want to quit, but I tend to second guess myself a lot. Whenever I don't do something well my perfectionist tendencies kick in and tell me to quit while I'm ahead or else I'll end up failing. And apparently for me failing is scarier then the plague. Although this mentality is universally flawed (it took Edison 1000 failures before he invented the light-bulb) it's something I still struggle with. But I am NOT a quitter, so I will stick it out. And whatever happens, happens.
But let's get on to the real topic of this post, and that is my new challenge. If you read this post you'll know that I've felt pretty motivated recently. But motivation without any challenges goes to waste, right? So I decided it's time for me to push myself to take the next step in recovery.
Honestly, I don't feel like writing this. I don't feel like challenging myself. This is not just complacency, but more a sense of feeling that I'm not strong enough to face a challenge at this time in my life. I'm struggling with quite a few un- ED related issues at the moment, not to mention that I'm in an environment that I am finding triggering. But life isn't perfect and there will always be situations that are trying or difficult. So I'm going to bite the bullet and "just do it". And for added accountability I'm posting it here so that I feel compelled to push myself,
even on the days I feel I don't have it in me.
A realization I came to a while back is that I have an easier time caring for others then I do myself. Somehow I feel undeserving of the same things they do, or I just don't think about myself in that way. I have no qualms with spending a few hours cooking an elaborate meal for someone, but taking 30 minutes out of my schedule to make something I really enjoy seems a waste of time. I will do favors for people that require significant time commitments, but when it comes to allowing myself to do something "un-productive" but relaxing - I feel guilty.
This also includes giving people advice. It seems like a lot of advice I give other people I should apply to my own situation, but I just don't think about it. So my challenge for 10 days is to try to think of myself in "3rd person". I will try to see myself as "someone else" and give myself what I would give them. This might sound a little weird, but I think it just might work. Even just the fact that I feel somewhat uneasy about embarking on this challenge means that it's pushing me out of my comfort zone and will be beneficial for me in some way.
I will be updating on here from time to time about the results of this challenge. I'm hoping that I will be able to see some progress - not just in my eating habits, but in the way I view myself.
On other note....
I'm still battling with this flu that just want go away. I thought I had it beat two days ago, but after a bad night of sleep it came back. I'm feeling better today, but still having a really hard time sleeping - both at night and during the day. Hopefully this is a result of my sickness and not a long term thing, because that would really drive me crazy.
Anyhow for the first time in a few days I was able to go for a walk and I decided to take my camera and take some snowy pictures of my lovely town.
As you can see clearly on this picture this is a very populated city.
Actually today it everywhere was absolutely deserted. It was very odd. This is a small town, so there are never THAT many people out, but definitely more then there were today. Most of the snow was still fresh on the ground on the sidewalks. I guess it made for prettier picture though.
The town square:
And I found it funny that the snow made this obviously famous person (although I haven't a clue who they are) Jewish :P
See you all in the new week. Hope it's a good one!