Another thing that's missing is my appetite. I still get hungry from time to time, but after I eat my stomach hurts SO BAD. It's horrible!
Take today for example. I was really looking forward to lunch - curried lentils with chapati's and salad. I had a late breakfast, so I skipped my snack. Come lunch I was hungry, but after eating I had such excruciating pain in my stomach. 4 hours later my stomach still hurt, but I thought it might be a fiber overload and so I opted for something light and easy to digest - a bit of cornbread with cottage cheese (it's actually really yummy :D) But that made it WORSE. Of course ED came in telling me that's what I get for snacking and that I should have restricted and "listened to my body". Come dinner time appetite was GONE. But then I saw a fresh loaf of my favorite multi-grain bread on the counter. And it was calling my name. So I made myself 2 small sandwiches with a few carrot sticks. Then I went back for another because it was just SO GOOD. My stomach started hurting AGAIN right afterwards though. This is seriously frustrating!
What is annoying me most right now is the fact that I feel happy to have an excuse for restricting. That sounds really bad, I know, which is why I have to say it. When I feel hungry if I restrict I know I'm giving into my ED. But this is sort of a grey area because since it actually HURTS to eat, I figure it's ok not to . Yes I know this is wrong as well, but it's how my brain reasons it out. Anyhow I'm going to stick to lighter foods and try to get more nutrients in smaller amounts. Meaning I'll try to eat smaller portions but of more nutrient dense foods. Hopefully it'll make a difference in how I feel after meals and help the whole "eating experience" not be as painful.
Now that my ranting is over I'm going to do an update on my challenge for today.
This is pretty much self explanatory, it's pretty much my "inner dialog" in two given times.
(As I'm eating dinner)
"Ouch, this carrot is really making my stomach ache. I probably shouldn't be eating it. But I'm still a bit hungry and I REALLY want that another slice of that bread."
"I never have seconds before eating my veggies though."
"Ok, but if this were someone else, what would you tell them to do?"
"I would say - screw the veggies and eat another sandwich."
"So do that!"
And I did
(A few minutes ago:)
"Darn, my stomach hurts and I still have yoga to do."
"Why do you HAVE to do it?"
"I haven't done yoga in a few days and it's on my to-do list."
"Ok, but if someone else were faced with this dilema - what would you tell them to do?"
"I'd tell them to forget yoga and rest their stomach."
"So do that!"
And I will
On a side note I'm not one for "foodie pics". Mainly because I live with my family and whipping a camera at mealtimes would cause quite a bit of commotion. Also, I like simple, easy to make foods - nothing too note worthy. But since I'm raving about this bread I will post a picture of it, just for fun. When it's fresh it has the most delightfully firm crust and chewy moist inside - YUM!!!
Ain't it pretty. (well aside from the fact it's cut unevenly - which is admittedly totally my fault :P)
Alrighty, I'm off. Hope you all are doing well.