Monday, January 31, 2011

Just do it.

Today this slogan has been my motto. Last night after posting I had a terrible stomach ache. This morning for some reason my ED thoughts had a rampage. I felt fat, guilty, miserable and just plain nasty. I DID NOT want to eat breakfast, which is usually the easiest meal of the day for me. I felt anxious before I even got out of bed. I purposely didn't look in the mirror, because I knew how it would make me feel.

As much as I didn't want to, I ate breakfast. I'm not sure if this ever happens to any of you, but for some reason I had no appetite. I was hungry, but nothing about eating seemed appealing. I was depressed, grouchy and feeling blah all morning. But I forced myself to eat. I forced myself to go about my day. I forced myself not to exercise and to keep up that happy face. I didn't feel like it in the least - I just did it.

Surprisingly though, by the afternoon I felt much better. I went out, did some shopping, came back and organized the house, studied a bit and here I am now.
Yes, I could have restricted, I could have exercised, or engaged in some other ED behavior. There's no way to describe how appealing both of those prospects seemed at the time. On the flip side of the coin I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to get up and do my daily duties. But it didn't matter what I wanted and didn't want to do - I just did it.

Some days are just like that. You have to do the right thing despite what you feel like doing. Our lives can't be controlled by our impulses. You have to bite the bullet and just do what's best for you, regardless of how you feel.

So what are you waiting for:


  1. Good for you for pushing through. :) You're right, sometimes we just have to grin and bear it...and often it works out just fine!
    I'm wondering though, are you perhaps lactose intolerant? That might explain some of the tummy troubles.
    Take care girl - you're doing so well!

  2. I love this post(: I totally agree! Sometimes everything sounds gross to eat, but when we actually do eat, we feel so much better! We're both on our way to kicking Ed completely out of our lives:D

  3. Go you!! I hate when I get the feeling that I don't want breakfast because it's my favourite meal of the day. So glad you managed to think through the foggy ED thoughts and do what was best. JUST DO IT!! hehe I love it :P

  4. I love this post! Just do it!! I needed to hear that, thank you..

    It's hard to push through but when we just throw out our ED thoughts and get down to doing what we need too..that's part of recovery!!

  5. Oh L., reading this made me smile. I am proud that you even ate the pizza at all. It is natural with an ED to feel crappy because of it afterwards. As you know, I've been struggling with this lately myself, so I get the feeling. But it is wonderful that you did what was best for you and not ED. You don't even know how happy I am that you didn't restrict and ate breakfast, especially since it could have been so easy to do so. When you don't have an appetite, not eating seems acceptable, almost natural. But I'm happy you recognized ED's role in this, and ate.
    That sort of thing happens to me sometimes. To an extent, I feel hungry, but no food sounds good and I don't actually want to eat. I think it has to do with physical fullness vs. mental fullness. I think you were mentally full: full of feeling fat, feeling guilty, and feeling nasty. Being so mentally "stuffed" with ED's crap led you to also feel full physically. Thus, you had no appetite. Well, that's just what I think anyway.

    Even though you were "full" and didn't want to eat, you did. That's big, and you should be proud of yourself for giving ED such a big kick in the ass!!!

    p.s: I tried to post this comment yesterday but for some reason it wouldn't let me...

  6. Hello! I have been following your blog for awhile and have just decided to create my own! This post really spoke to me, and reiterated the SUPER important motto of "just do it!" I have just embarked on my journey toward recovery, and right now it seems nearly impossible to "just" eat, or "just" journal my feelings, or "just" avoid triggering situations or things. But to see you write that it IS possible to just do it, even though it's impossible to describe how appealing restrictive behaviors sound, is very encouraging and I am going to use it as one of my mottos or mantras for my recovery. You are very inspiring!
    Nice to meet you, by the way :)