Things I thought I'd never do.

I never thought I'd be able to:

- eat chocolate and deserts without guilt
- not plan all my meals
- relax and spend most of the day vegging around
- party with my friends without stressing about the calories I was taking in (weather through drinks or food)
- eat even though no one else was eating because I was hungry
- go out to eat without knowing exactly what I was having ahead of time
- LET LOOSE AND BE FREE

I spent the past 2 days with my friend in town. Her apartment is what used to be my ED's worst nightmare. No "safe foods" in sight, as a matter of fact there was very little food in the house at all. She works, so she eats most of her meals out or orders in. In her apartment there's very little to do aside from watch TV and just veg out. Not much physical activity going on there. But contrary to what I expected I'm enjoying every minute of this visit. We went out last night partying and had a blast. I drank a few mixed drinks and had a great time. We stayed out till 5 in the morning dancing and living it up. After coming home we slept most of the morning, looked at some old photos and watched a few movies. Then we went out to eat and had a coffee.After that I was still hungry and since there was no food in the house I went out and bought some. Just because she wasn't eating doesn't mean I couldn't. I used to be obsessed with comparing myself with other people and always making sure I was eating less then them or at least compensating by getting a lot of physical activity. But not anymore. If I need more fuel, well I'm going to get it weather I'm active that day or not. Right now I'm gearing myself up for another evening of fun. We're going to meet up with some of her friends and hang out. It's just so nice not to have a rigid food or exercise schedule controlling every decision you make. It's so liberating to forget yourself and enjoy the moment; just let loose. I used to always be so afraid of that, because I didn't want to do something I'd later regret. But I'm learning that you only live once and sometimes it's worth it just to forget some of those self-imposed rules and live it up. I believe there needs to be moderation; I believe in eating healthy and living a good lifestyle. But if I feel like sitting around all day and catching up with a friend or eating take our once in a while I should feel free to do so. It's so incredible to think that I believed I'd never be able to enjoy these simple things ever again. I'm so happy that I was wrong and I am living life to the full and loving every minute of it.