This is an odd, new concept I've been playing with recently. I realize that all too often I ignore what my body needs in favor of whats convenient. Example: most people are hungry - they eat. I stop and think "Do I really NEED to eat? I mean, it's so inconvenient to go and make myself something. I'll wait another 30 minutes or so till I'm finished this." Or if I'm tired I just drink something caffeinated as opposed to taking a nap. Ok caffeine is helpful sometimes, because there are times you can't just stop and take a nap, but that's besides the point. The point is that I'm used to doing what I want as opposed to doing what I should.
Anyhow for the past few days I've had a nasty toothache. As horribly incovenient (not to mention painful) as it is it's forced me to do two very important things.
1. Become more aware of my body. Because I don't want to cause myself more pain then I absolutely have to I started planning my meals ahead of time so I have something soft and "mushy" to eat. I normally have a general "plan" but more often then not I end up changing it and resorting to my old "favorites" because it's convenient. I've started writing down what I eat and how I feel after eating it according to a general hunger scale. Because of this not only am I learning to pay more attention to what my body needs, but I learned something very interesting things about my diet such as that I eat oats EVER SINGLE DAY for breakfast. While this isn't wrong and oatmeal is healthy (not to mention yummy :P) it's become a food rut for me. Which brings me to my next point.
2. I'm breaking out of food ruts. I can't eat anything slightly crunchy and so I'm having to become creative with my mushes. And although most of my food hasn't been so tasty recently I am learning more about what I do and don't like and am trying new things. Tomorrow for instance, I am NOT having oats (gasp) and am in fact going to be eating..... rice cereal with apple. Don't know if I'll like it, but I'll never know till I try.
I realized how I feel like I need a physical excuse such as pain to allow myself to treat my body with respect. Otherwise I feel like I'm just being whimpy or lazy. But there's nothing wrong with listening to your body. What is wrong is treating yourself like crap and pushing yourself to the limits until you simply can't go on anymore. It's a habit I've developed over time that I'm sure is very detrimental to my health and happiness. I DESERVE respect. Anything (my ED) or anyone that has told or tells me otherwise is wrong, no matter how convincing they sound. It's ok to have boundaries. It's ok to be human. It's ok to need rest, food and relaxation from time to time. I pride myself on my work ethic but work isn't everything. Life is meant to be enjoyed and I'm going to enjoy it to the full by learning to respect myself and my body. It's about time.