But guess what ED - you haven't won yet. I'm back on my feet and ready for another fight.
Thank you for your helpful comments. When I'm feeling a little better I will sit down with my parents and explain to them my feelings , goals and vision for the future. I'm trying my best to believe that they are simply trying to do what's best for me, although they will probably never realize how much some of their comments hurt me. They are humans and humans make mistakes. I'm sure I've hurt them much worse it times past, so it's time to forgive and move on.
In a way I think I should be grateful for the fact that they brought up some issues I still need to work on - weight gain and normalizing my eating habits. I've fallen into a few food ruts and although these aren't detrimental per-se; it's good to hear someone else's perspective on these things. And I am willing to do my part to change. It is scary, it is intimidating, but it's the only way to embrace the fullness of life ahead of me. So I'm going to go for it.
The first thing I decided I needed to do in terms of weight gain is up my calorie intake. I won't be counting calories (I have been in times past to ensure I was getting the minimum amount needed to maintain) but I will be adding more healthy fats into my diet. That includes nuts. nut butters, avocados and olive oils.
To be honest this is something that terrifies me a little, because although I have made progress in this area I still am somewhat uneasy about eating nuts and nut butters. Well in order to break to keep myself from going back on my commitment I've decided to make it more specific. My goal is to eat either:
- one serving of nuts a day
- one tablespoon of nut butter a day
- 1/4-1/2 an avocado a day
Most of you are probably things "tsh, what is she making a big deal about". And I know all the health bloggers include a significant amount of nut butters in their daily menu. But we're all different, we all have our fears and this just happens to be mine. I am going to overcome it though, even if it means taking baby steps at first. I am stronger then I think.
100% nut butters are crazy expensive here, because they are all imported from the States or the UK. But when life gives you lemons (or in my case coconut) make.....
Coconut butter :)
Using this little fellow here (the hand blender):
And some unsweatened shredded coconut I was able to create:
I think I should mention that of all nuts/nut butters I was always the most aprehensive about coconut. But it was the only thing my poor blender could process, so coconut butter it was. I was afraid that as a start straight up coconut butter would be too much for me, and since I only made a little bit anyways (this was an experiment) I decided to copy this lady's coconut butter idea. And it is SO GOOD. Right now my stomach is a bit upset (fever, flu and all that's going on) so I only had a few tastes of it. But I honestly can't wait to eat it tomorrow :). I can't remember the last time I looked forward to something so much .
So you can be expecting some new and exiting coconut butter creations in the days to come. My only question is, should I be keeping it in the fridge?