Hopefully if I say that enough I'll get it through my thick skull. Because this is a concept that I can't seem to come to grips with.
I compare so much with people's eating habits, work out routines, meal sizes - almost everything in that aspect. Be it other bloggers, my family and friends, or just random people I hear about.
I have this set idea of how I want my diet/exercise schedule to look like, the amount of food I'd like to eat each day and at what times. I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to my work schedule for the day, and it bugs me when my eating schedule and work schedule coincide. I almost get indignant at my body - "How dare you be hungry now. I'm not ready to eat" Sounds so absurd when you say it like that, but that's essentially what does through my mind. In addition to that I tell myself "I'm not allowed to eat that much now. Look at so and so who ate such and such at such and such a time. They're not hungry yet, so why are you?" It makes life really hard for me, because I'm constantly at war with myself - doing what I feel I "should" do or doing what my body wants me to do.
For the past few days I've tried to conform to the 3 meals a day rule with one snack in between. It doesn't work for me. I find myself getting so hungry my body goes into overdrive and I stuff myself at the next meal. After that I have horrible stomach pains, bloating and I just feel genuinely sick. But I still stubbornly try to stick to what "most everyone else is doing" as opposed to what is right for my body.
So as of today I'm saying screw the "rules". I need to eat 5 times a day to make my body function properly. Some people don't and that's ok. Some people don't eat breakfast - I do. Some people work out for an hour each day - I don't.
It's hard for me not to restrict when it seems that eating only 2-3 meals a day is the "normal" way to eat. But then I remind myself that I'm only choosing to look at things from one side of the coin. I choose to ignore the late night snacking, or the volume or caloric value of those two meals. I just look at it from a logistic point of view, because it justifies restricting in my mind.
The truth is I'm having a hard time remembering what normal eating habits are for me. Throw in the fact that they might have changed over time and I'm really confused. All I know and remember right now is restricting or trying to restrict. And whenever I'm in that "zone" things seem right and normal. I don't worry that I'm overeating, I don't feel that being hungry is weird. I have clearly set rules and guidelines. Without them I feel lost and second guess myself at every turn - "Am I really hungry? Maybe I'm just bored. Have I eaten all my food groups for the day?" And it's hard to have these questions constantly flooding my mind.
But I hope that I will slowly re-learn what normal eating is for me. In order to do that I need to accept that I am different and that my meals and snacks will not look like some other peoples. It doesn't matter because in the end my body knows what it needs, and if I give it what it wants, it won't take any more then what is essential.
Speaking of needs, this is something my body desperately needed this morning :)
The best overnight oats ever!
I loosely measured 1/3 cup of oats (probably was more, because I don't really care) and added 2/3 cups yogurt and 1/4 cup milk. I mixed in 2 tsp of shredded coconut (major fear food till now), a mushed half a large banana leaving in some chunky bits. Stuck it all in the fridge to sit overnight and this is what I got in the morning.
It was ALMOST too sweet for me, the coconut really added that extra something I've been missing before. It doesn't look so pretty but is was amazingly creamy, thick and delicious.
(See how thick that is. And if you look closely you can see chunks of mushed banans in there- yummy yummy good for tummy)
And if you haven't tried avocado on toast with a sunny side up egg you are totally missing out on the good things in life.
Alright, I'm off to see a movie and enjoy a glass of sparkling white wine. Have a nice Saturday evening.