Saturday, February 5, 2011

Everyone's different.

Everyone's different, everyone's different, everyone's different.

Hopefully if I say that enough I'll get it through my thick skull. Because this is a concept that I can't seem to come to grips with.

I compare so much with people's eating habits, work out routines, meal sizes - almost everything in that aspect. Be it other bloggers, my family and friends, or just random people I hear about.

I have this set idea of how I want my diet/exercise schedule to look like, the amount of food I'd like to eat each day and at what times. I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to my work schedule for the day, and it bugs me when my eating schedule and work schedule coincide. I almost get indignant at my body - "How dare you be hungry now. I'm not ready to eat" Sounds so absurd when you say it like that, but that's essentially what does through my mind. In addition to that I tell myself "I'm not allowed to eat that much now. Look at so and so who ate such and such at such and such a time. They're not hungry yet, so why are you?" It makes life really hard for me, because I'm constantly at war with myself - doing what I feel I "should" do or doing what my body wants me to do.

For the past few days I've tried to conform to the 3 meals a day rule with one snack in between. It doesn't work for me. I find myself getting so hungry my body goes into overdrive and I stuff myself at the next meal. After that I have horrible stomach pains, bloating and I just feel genuinely sick. But I still stubbornly try to stick to what "most everyone else is doing" as opposed to what is right for my body.

So as of today I'm saying screw the "rules". I need to eat 5 times a day to make my body function properly. Some people don't and that's ok. Some people don't eat breakfast - I do. Some people work out for an hour each day - I don't.

It's hard for me not to restrict when it seems that eating only 2-3 meals a day is the "normal" way to eat. But then I remind myself that I'm only choosing to look at things from one side of the coin. I choose to ignore the late night snacking, or the volume or caloric value of those two meals. I just look at it from a logistic point of view, because it justifies restricting in my mind.

The truth is I'm having a hard time remembering what normal eating habits are for me. Throw in the fact that they might have changed over time and I'm really confused. All I know and remember right now is restricting or trying to restrict. And whenever I'm in that "zone" things seem right and normal. I don't worry that I'm overeating, I don't feel that being hungry is weird. I have clearly set rules and guidelines. Without them I feel lost and second guess myself at every turn - "Am I really hungry? Maybe I'm just bored. Have I eaten all my food groups for the day?" And it's hard to have these questions constantly flooding my mind.

But I hope that I will slowly re-learn what normal eating is for me. In order to do that I need to accept that I am different and that my meals and snacks will not look like some other peoples. It doesn't matter because in the end my body knows what it needs, and if I give it what it wants, it won't take any more then what is essential.

Speaking of needs, this is something my body desperately needed this morning :)

The best overnight oats ever!

I loosely measured 1/3 cup of oats (probably was more, because I don't really care) and added 2/3 cups yogurt and 1/4 cup milk. I mixed in 2 tsp of shredded coconut (major fear food till now), a mushed half a large banana leaving in some chunky bits. Stuck it all in the fridge to sit overnight and this is what I got in the morning.

It was ALMOST too sweet for me, the coconut really added that extra something I've been missing before. It doesn't look so pretty but is was amazingly creamy, thick and delicious.

(See how thick that is. And if you look closely you can see chunks of mushed banans in there- yummy yummy good for tummy)

And if you haven't tried avocado on toast with a sunny side up egg you are totally missing out on the good things in life.

Alright, I'm off to see a movie and enjoy a glass of sparkling white wine. Have a nice Saturday evening.


  1. I have the same thoughts about food groups, times of eating and whether or not I'm bored. I really don't know how to eat anymore because I've messed up my thinking process for it something fierce, but I know we can both manage.

    It's also common for me to compare to others. For example, I was doing my morning warm-up walk before lifting and the girl next to me was jogging at a faster speed and I kept thinking "why aren't I going that fast?" Fortunately I tell myself it doesn't matter and we're different, but it gets out of hand sometimes. We just have to keep pushing through and doing the best that we can.

    And avocado + toast + sunny side up egg is probably one of the best things I've eaten ever. I throw a slice of onion on mine because I love onion, but I love how the yolk oozes out and the avocado and yolk are so creamy contrasted with the crunchiness of the toast (and onion). I hope you have a good weekend as well! ^^

  2. Egg yolks? Don't like the taste. Sunny side up eggs? The runny-ness creeps me out. Avocado? *shudders* So that leaves me with...toast. I guess I'll just stick with my pb + banana on toast. Now THAT'S a great combo (though I'd agree the egg & avo is good when you like those foods).

    L, I relate to you completely when you say, "The truth is I'm having a hard time remembering what normal eating habits are for me. Throw in the fact that they might have changed over time and I'm really confused. All I know and remember right now is restricting or trying to restrict."
    I have so much trouble remembering what I used to love to eat. I never was one pick a food that was rich or fatty if I had the choice to pick something lean. That's just what my tastebuds are like. So now, I'm confused, because I've got no clue as to what sort of foods I ate back before ED that made my weight higher. I really cannot remember.

    I think that the more you tell yourself
    "everybody's different" the more you will believe it. That's the truth, but ED doesn't want you to know it. Just keep repeating it until that voice is louder than his. I love your plan to just screw the rules. Your body is a genius, and listening to it over ED can only bring good things. I think you are doing so well!!!

    You oats look A-MA-ZING by the way! :-)

  3. I know exactly what you mean about comparisons. That is probably one of the hardest areas of recovery for me. I worry so much about what other people are (or aren't) eating. I think that their judging me based on what I'm eating!

    It sounds like you're doing a very good job of dealing with it though. You know what's best for you and that's what you should do.

    The oatmeal looks amazing, btw. I've never made it like that, but know I want to try!

  4. I love this post so much! I feel like I can relate to everything you're saying. I too get "mad" at myself when I'm hungry at an odd time. I'm trying really hard to listen to my body. We have to do what our bodies need, regardless of what everyone else does!

    I tend to eat smaller meals more frequently. Doing three big meals with no snacks didn't work for me. I still get some cramps and bloating from refeeding, so I like to spread it out. Sometimes I eat a meal of the course of an hour or so. That helps too!

    Mmmm those oats look good.

    Take care! Keep listening to your body! You are such an inspiration!

  5. Oh boy, can I relate. In fact, as I read this I had (and still have) a mental battle going on in my head. Am I hungry? Am I not? Nobody else is eating so do I need to? I think I'm gonna go and get a muffin just to shut it up. I used to be so iffy about eating more than 3 times a day. I used to think it was wrong to feel hungry even just after I had eaten so, like you, I would get angry at my body for not being "full" like it should be. I'm getting much better at listening to my body these days and at ignoring that voice but it's still there trying to confuse me.

    I LOVE the look of your overnight oats. I've only ever had them once because I didn't like the texture but I must try them again!