Saturday, November 20, 2010

Dear Body.

Dear Body.

There is so much I should tell you, so many things I should say. But first and foremost I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring you for so long, for treating you horribly and then expecting you to perform at peak levels. I'm sorry for the days I pushed you beyond your limits, for the days you screamed at me to let you rest but I only pushed you harder. I'm sorry for all the numerous times I denied you what was rightfully yours - the fuel you need to function. I'm sorry for all the hatred, all the abuse.

Most of all I'm sorry for not seeing you as you really are - perfect and beautiful in your own way. I tried so hard to fit you into the mold of what I considered beautiful. When I looked at you in the mirror I did so with hatred and rage because you weren't what I wanted you to be. My feelings were utterly unfounded and hurtful, but I was blinded by my own vision of perfection. I was so caught up in trying to make you "better" that I didn't realize how good you already were. And for that, I am sorry.

You ARE beautiful, you are unique. I know there are some days I still question your requests. I wonder if they are valid or if you are just being greedy or glutenous. But I am slowly coming to realize that there are no unreasonable demands you make. Everything you ask me for is for the purpose of bringing you back to your original state - full of health, energy and vitality. I have no right to limit you in any way.

I understand it must be hard for you too. After being robbed of nourishment for so long you must be utterly disoriented to have it back. You don't completely trust me, and you have every reason not to. I know in times past I have given you just enough to make you believe things were back to normal, before abusing and hurting you once again. But I PROMISE with all my heart that this will not happen again. I'm tired of constantly fighting with you, constantly telling you what I think is best for you. From now on I'm going to give you what you need to function and peak performance. From now on I will no longer degrade you and tell you how much I hate you. I will learn to love and accept you for what you are, even if it differs from my vision of "perfection."
And thank you. Thank you for not letting me down, for not giving up on me. You are a wonderful vehicle that enables me to accomplish what I want to in life. Without you I would be unable to perform the simplest day to day tasks. You make me happy! I realized that for the first time today when I was running. There was none of the usual fatigue or tiredness, because I had given you the fuel you needed and you were functioning as you were intended to. I felt like I could fly! Thank you for that.

You are beautiful, unique and special and I truly believe that with all my heart. Some days my mind argues with those facts, but that is simply my ED. Ignore it please, as I do, and forgive me for all the ways I have mistreated you in the past.

I look forward to having a long, healthy relationship with you once again.

With love,


  1. This was wonderful! ^_^ I feel the same way and each night before I go to bed, when I'm saying my prayers, I give thanks for what my body has done for me and I apologize if I've abused the body which I have been blessed with and attempt to do better next time. It's quite an eye opener to look back at what I strived for and realize that it wasn't healthy and there are so many things I focused on that were such a waste of time.

    Live and learn though. :D

  2. Beautiful- thanks for sharing!! Did you find writing the letter helpful? I wrote a letter to my body, too, and I feel like I got a lot out of it. :-) You're working so hard and making so much progress, you should be VERY proud of yourself! <3

  3. Beautiful! Thank you for posting this!

    You are such a big inspiration to me!