Thursday, September 2, 2010

I am a fighter – and the feeling is AMAZING.

So today I am officially proud of myself. Today I took a massive step toward recovery, a few in fact. For one, I tackled a major fear food – pasta. Not only that, but I was faced with a choice between whole wheat and white. I chose the “white pasta” because I knew that it was one of my biggest fear foods, especially since it's not “healthy”. But I ate it and I discovered 3 things :
- pasta fills me up very quickly
- it gives me horrible cramps and stomach pains
- and I don't like it all that much
But I ate it, without anyone in any way prodding me. And guess what, it's a damn good feeling. I was so full afterward I felt like purging – I didn't. That feeling lasted all afternoon, I fought on. And yes, I still ate afterwards even though it wasn't a good feeling. I've been in bed almost all day with a water bottle pressed to my stomach, and I've been taking pain killers. But so what! Today I looked my fears in the eye and said “Fuck you!”, and they pretty much disappeared. I'm so happy I took that step and proved to myself I could do it.

So I guess that's all for today, still struggling to get through a cup of juice so I can get my needed calories. Can't wait for tomorrow and all the new challenges that await (not to mention that this nasty feeling in my stomach will disappear) – and I really mean that.

1 comment:

  1. WELL DONE!!! That is such a huge challenge for you to conquer. I am so proud :) What you need to remember is that there is no such thing as "good" and "bad" foods. Just that some foods have more nutritional value than others and so should be eaten more often than those without. Pasta, which ever colour you choose, IS healthy. No matter whether it's wholemeal or not. People keep talking crap about how "white bread is bad for you" and "you should not eat potatoes!" and so on. This is absurd! These foods may not have as much fibre as the brown versions, but that is not to say that they are "unhealthy". Potatoes for one contain amazing amounts of vitamins and minerals and plus they are delicious. I personally don't like white bread as it tastes like I'm eating a cloud (not that I know what that's like haha) but give me a crusty white bread and I'll eat that no problem!

    You probably had tummy issues due to due to the fact that you aren't used to eating that much fibre in one sitting probably. Also, pasta contains a lot of protein of which you are probably not used to either. With time, the tummy issues will ease I promise :)

    SO SO proud of you!!!